Within the past two months we have had a lot of fuckin' rain in my area, and it's forced normally underground-/ground-dwelling bugs to the surface of our yard. I find a roly poly bug that's snuck under our front door every other day

BUT. It hasn't just been all the cute little doots that've come up. Oh no. A few weeks ago when we were coming home from being out, we noticed a BIG ASS SPIDER WEB strung up in our bushes out front, from the bush all the way to the corner of our garage.

This fucker must've been three feet across.

And sitting (hanging) in the middle of it was an equally big ass wolf spider.

.....at least I think it's a wolf spider, since those are plentiful in our yard. I haven't gotten close enough to actually see any identifying markings and such. This spider has been chillin' in the same spot ever since we saw it, keeping to his damn self and well out of the way of our walkway (which goes right by the bushes he hangs out in).

We've named him Fred.

Little sis hates Fred with a fiery vengeance, but he eats all the mosquitoes outside so I am perfectly chill with Fred as long as he stays in his little corner of the bushes. Outside.









Fred hasn't been up in his corner in the past few days when we've come in. We didn't worry too much because if he had somehow gotten into the house all bets would be off and he'd meet his end via Supersonic Flip-Flop; that or maybe (hopefully) he'd just relocated to someplace with more mosquitoes.

Tonight, a few hours ago, we were coming back from shopping, walking down the walkway to our front door. It's dark. Fred isn't in his corner. Dad is in front and suddenly runs into a spider web. Run into spider webs there all the damn time because it's between the bushes and a tree. Brush off the (exceptionally thick) web, continue to the front door, Dad gets up on the porch and into the light first.

Fred is crawling across Dad's back.




I had to touch Fred when I brushed him off.

And then I hauled my skinny butt inside before Fred could decide he wanted vengeance.












Next time I go outside I'll probably have to carry a spray bottle of Lysol to protect myself.